She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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