Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
