I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
