I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
