My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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