The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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