I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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