i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
