remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
