there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
