Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
