there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
