You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
