I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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