Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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