either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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