Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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