Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
