the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize