the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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