That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
