Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
