let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
