hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
