If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
