my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
