i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
How's work?
Spinning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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