hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
