This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
