You're my little dorito
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
