It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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