he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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