I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
