guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
