She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
