some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
