we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
