I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
