Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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