I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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