Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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