So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
