That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
