whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
