somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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