A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
