Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
