it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My bed smells like the plague
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
