Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
