If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
