oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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