well I can't set my house on fire every night
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize