I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
