I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
