Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize