Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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