I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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