Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
