He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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