Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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