May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
