i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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