This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize