This is not my ceiling
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
