Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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