do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
