I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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