mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
