I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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