just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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