someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
