areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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