I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ladies don't puke and tell
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
