she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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