I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
