i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
