So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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