He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
