shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
