just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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