When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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