He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wish there were birth control emojis
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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