Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
