Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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