Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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