Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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