I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
