i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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