About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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