Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
