the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
