Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
