i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hippo gnu deer
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize