Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
